Why Do I feel This Way

Life is what we makes of itDo we need to be with someone no matter what the cost is to our self-esteem? Have we found ourselves with people who bring out the worst in us but we just cannot seem to let go of them? What is it in our own psychology, in our own mind, that keeps us in these destructive relationships? No, this cannot be the first one that we have been in, there is a pattern of these types of relationships most of our lives. It is the “normal” people that bore us and are so less exciting than the male or female that “charges” us up. We know the type that increases our senses of insecurity,those that we feel are always playing with our emotions.

We do tend to want these type of people to want us. What is it about that feeling inside that draws us to them? Perhaps we are mistaking that heart pounding for love when it really is insecurity.  When we feel their distance we become insecure. It is normal to want to be loved and validated but the unavailable person usually has intimacy issues that have nothing to do with us. They bring this to the relationship, because of our own insecurities we immediately pick this up as there is something wrong with us.

It is so important for us to be in tune with our own insecurities and not allow someone else to determine whether they”go” off or not. Our insecurities are old just as this person’s intimacy issues are old but one does not truly have to do with the other. The point is they trigger each other. When we are insecure, it can push the other person away and when they are distant, it will stir up our feelings of being unloved. Never rely on someone else to determine how we feel!

Do we now understand why it is so important to be in touch with our own insecurities and detach it from the other person’s moods? This is our key to a better relationship. Remember people with intimacy issues can be a real danger to us if we do not understand what they do to us.  We need to take care of ourselves and not be afraid of them. Perhaps speaking up for what are our rights to have in a relationship might shock them into looking at their own issues. Put down the label you wear of “NEEDY!”

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